I’ve been moping for days. Mercury crashed every electronic device I own. My 93-year old parents are injured and sick and my sister and I have been running between our lives and theirs, trying to be helpful. Ann and I decided to renew our lease and its been sitting on the table waiting for us to sign it, which neither of us seems quite willing to do. We’re too busy worrying about our flat incomes. Worry is everywhere.
Have you ever noticed that, no matter how many reasons you have for why you’re in your present predicament, none of them makes you feel any better? All worrying does is keep me feeling bad. How can it do anything else? It locks me in to searching for reasons, proof that I am helpless to change anything.
My friend Andy helped me turn it around yesterday. He said I was holding all the worrying things close around me so I wouldn’t have to do anything. “It’s easier than doing anything about it,” he wisely offered.
“Easier” broke the spell. He was right. I was having a pain-filled mini-vacation of bad feelings, using anything I could grab to keep me from being me: working, thinking, loving, sharing, whatever.
As soon as I heard it, I saw how powerful I am. It has to take a lot of power to keep myself feeling bad when all I talk about is how I only want to feel good again. What is the sense of using my power to do that?
I started to stop, right then and there, to climb myself back out of that hole I had been hiding in. Thankfully, it was a short trip home. We always have options.